Is My Husband Gay? How to Tell if Your Husband is Gay | Expert Advice

Dr. Serenity

Mind Health

April 11, 2023

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Is My Husband Gay? Signs to Look For and How to Deal With It

Discovering that your husband might be gay can be a painful experience for any woman. Whether it’s something you suspected or it took you by surprise, the news can have a significant impact on your family, particularly if you have children. Some women might feel relieved after going through a long and difficult marriage, but others might choose to stay with their husband despite his sexual orientation for the sake of their children or traditional family values.

It’s important not to jump to conclusions, and instead, confront the situation head-on. “The only way to know the truth about your husband is to confront it head on and deal with it directly,” says John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach. If you’re questioning whether your husband is gay, here are five possible signs to consider:

1. Extreme homophobic behavior

If your husband displays an almost militant anger towards gay people, it could be a sign that he is struggling with his own sexuality. People often lash out at traits that they don’t like about themselves. So, if your husband constantly makes homophobic jokes or has a certain amount of rage towards homosexuals, take note.

2. Watching homosexual pornography

If your husband is watching or reading homosexual pornography, it could be a sign that he is gay. Although it’s easy to access any type of pornography, it’s unlikely that he would risk his reputation by merely “checking it out.”

3. Frequent phone calls with men

If your husband is receiving an unusual amount of phone calls from men, particularly ones he doesn’t talk about, be concerned.

4. Spending too much time with one man

If your husband is spending too much alone time with one man, it could indicate that he is gay. At the very least, he’s probably involved in a level of intimacy with his male friend that he should be saving for you.

5. Not being sexually interested in you

If your husband seems disinterested in sexual intimacy with you or has little to no desire, it could be a sign that he is gay, or he might be experiencing a medical issue.

It’s essential to approach this topic thoughtfully and considerately when speaking to your husband. If he isn’t gay, asking such a question might seem insulting or even hostile. “Your husband could be in denial about his sexuality,” says Lifescript Relationship Expert Venus Nicolino, Ph.D. So if you’re concerned, it’s best to seek help from a marital therapist or someone from your local place of worship to explore your concerns. Remember, your future and your family’s well-being are on the line.