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How to Move On: 10 Steps for Closure After You Break Up – Expert Advice
How to Move On: 10 Steps For Closure After a Break-Up
Breaking up can be tough, but learning how to move on can be even tougher. Here are some expert tips to help you recover from a break-up and create a positive new life for yourself. Two common stumbling blocks for women are not wanting to move on and not knowing how to move on. According to Judith Orloff, M.D., accepting that the relationship is over is key to moving on. Focus your energy on creating a new and positive life for yourself without your ex.
If you’ve recently experienced a breakup, it’s important to take the necessary steps to move on and heal. Here are 10 steps that may help:
Acceptance is Key
Before you can truly move on from a relationship that is no longer healthy, you need to come to a place of acceptance. This may take time, but it’s essential to let go of any lingering hope for a reconciliation. Be patient and gentle with yourself during the process, and resist the temptation to romanticize the past.
It’s crucial to establish distance between yourself and your ex, especially in the immediate aftermath of the breakup. This means no contact, whether in person, over the phone, or through social media. If you need to exchange belongings, enlist the help of a friend or family member.
Stop Talking About Your Ex
In the beginning, you’ll probably need to get everything off your chest by talking about the break-up with friends and relatives. That’s healthy, but once you’ve let it all out, try to stop talking about him. If you don’t, your friends may start avoiding your company. Talk about something else or, better yet, let your friends talk instead. They might not say so, but they’ll welcome the reprieve.
Skip the Blame Game
While it’s tempting to play the blame game after a break-up, it won’t help you get over him. Whether you blame him or yourself, going over and over hurtful scenarios only keeps you focused on negative emotions. So, close the book on that chapter of your life and focus on figuring out how to move on. Resist the urge to blame yourself, him, or anyone else for what went wrong in the relationship. Accept that it didn’t work out and move on to something better.
Learn From Your Experience
Part of learning how to move on after a break-up is learning from your experience. This includes the break-up itself, as well as your entire relationship with him. Ask yourself what words or behaviors you’d want to repeat in the future, and which things you aren’t proud of yourself for saying or doing. “Learn whatever lessons the relationship presented and focus on a bright future of love and positive healthy connections to come,” says Dr. Orloff. Think about what was great about the relationship, what wasn’t so great, and what led to the demise of the relationship. Write it all down and use these notes to help you improve your overall relationship skills.
Visualize Moving On
Take the time to fully picture yourself without your ex in your life. This may take some effort, but keep at it until you can clearly see your new life without him. Bask in the feeling of accomplishment and pride that comes with moving on.
Imagine yourself looking and feeling amazing, spending time laughing and enjoying the company of your friends, and meeting and talking to other men (even if it seems scary right now). One way to speed up the healing process is to focus on the positive aspects of the relationship, as advised by Dr. Orloff. Carry those positive memories with you.
Before diving into a new relationship, make sure you take ample time to focus on yourself. Spend time doing things that bring you joy and connect you with your inner self. Surround yourself with loved ones and consider taking up a new hobby, volunteering, or attending a class. Keep yourself busy, but be mindful not to overload yourself with activities just to distract from the pain of the breakup. Take steps to boost your self-esteem, which may have taken a hit due to the split.
Try a new hairstyle or entirely different fashion style, get a makeover, visit a new spa for a mani-pedi, or purchase a new outfit that’s unlike anything you wore with your ex. Treat yourself to a spa massage, and bring a friend along to lift your spirits.
If you haven’t attended any social events since the breakup, now is the time. This doesn’t mean you should jump into a relationship with the first guy you see. Instead, dress up and put yourself out in the world to socialize and meet new people. However, avoid places where you’re likely to run into your ex. Instead, try new venues. If you haven’t flirted in a while, practice; hone your flirting skills by trying them out on someone new.
Take Things Slowly
Moving on from a breakup doesn’t require excessive socializing or flirting with every man you meet. Don’t rush into anything or come across as desperate or needy. That can lead to a relationship with someone who wants to control you or feel superior to you. Instead, relax and go at your own pace. Enjoy yourself without playing hard to get. Men will approach you when they see you’re approachable and fun. Take your time getting to know new people, and be wary of rebound relationships.
Avoid Generalizing or Comparing
Don’t assume that every man is like your ex, and don’t compare every relationship to your past one, especially if you learn from your mistakes and move on in a healthy way. Your previous relationship ended for a reason, so be open to new experiences and look for a different, better kind of relationship.
Finally, the most important thing to do after a breakup is to stay positive. Know that getting over your ex will help you feel better about yourself and your future. Aim for a healthy new relationship with a wonderful partner – one where you feel cherished and happy, and where your ex is nothing but a distant memory. Go for it!