Are You Suffering From A Case Of Wedding Cold Feet? Tips to Overcome

Dr. Serenity
April 13, 2023

Are you feeling uncertain about your upcoming wedding? Do you find yourself experiencing pre-wedding jitters? If so, you’re not alone. It’s common for both men and women to feel nervous before their big day. This is known as having “cold feet.” While it may be unsettling, having cold feet can be beneficial as it allows you to take a closer look at your relationship and what marriage means to you.


Understanding Cold Feet

When someone says they have cold feet before their wedding, they are usually referring to feeling unsure or having second thoughts about getting married. This can be a normal feeling, but it’s essential to take a step back and evaluate your emotions. It’s important to determine whether your feelings are just pre-wedding jitters or if there is a real issue within the relationship.

Symptoms of Cold Feet

A bride with cold feet may experience anxiety and restlessness, making it challenging to sleep. She may also experience physical symptoms such as increased heart rate, high blood pressure, pimples, respiratory problems, stomach aches, and muscle aches. For some brides, the fear of losing their independence and identity can be a source of stress and anxiety.

On the other hand, a groom with cold feet may experience sweaty palms, butterflies, and nagging questions. Men often worry about the loss of their single life activities and whether they can fulfill the role of a husband. The thought of marriage can bring up fears about having children and financial responsibilities, which can be overwhelming for anyone.


Understanding the Two Types of Cold Feet: Individual and Relationship

Cold feet can take on different forms, and it is important to distinguish between individual cold feet and relationship cold feet. By identifying which type you are experiencing, you can better address and manage your concerns before walking down the aisle.

  • Individual Cold Feet

Individual cold feet refer to fears and uncertainties about marriage in a general sense. These fears may stem from personal insecurities or concerns about losing one’s identity or independence. It is common for women to experience individual cold feet, particularly if they are career-oriented and independent.

If you are experiencing individual cold feet, it is important to reflect on your fears and anxieties. Take the time to discuss your concerns with someone you trust, and try to gain a deeper understanding of what is causing your anxiety. Writing down a list of your worries can also help you gain clarity on what areas you need to focus on before getting married.

An exploration of your anxieties may also help you identify “deal breakers,” or reasons why you should not get married at the present time. These can be serious issues such as past infidelity, violent behavior, or fundamental differences in values or goals.

  • Relationship Cold Feet

Relationship cold feet, on the other hand, are specific to concerns about marrying your fiancé. These concerns may arise from quirks or problems your fiancé has that you find frustrating or difficult to deal with.

It is important to distinguish between temporary and perpetual problems. Some issues, such as stress related to the wedding or changes in sex drive, are temporary and can be resolved through communication and understanding. However, other issues such as chronic health problems, alcohol abuse, or emotional distance may require more time and effort to work through.

Only you can determine whether your cold feet are a passing phase or a deeper concern that needs to be addressed before getting married. By identifying the type of cold feet you are experiencing and taking the time to reflect on your concerns, you can make a more informed decision about your future.


How to Manage Cold Feet: Coping Strategies for Engaged Couples

Cold feet is a common phenomenon that occurs when an engaged couple experiences doubts and uncertainties about getting married. According to estimates, 20% of engaged couples in the United States and Canada do not make it to the altar every year. If you or your fiancé are experiencing cold feet, it is important to recognize and address it without overreacting. Here are some helpful strategies to cope with cold feet:

  • Encourage Your Fiancé to Make a List of Pre-Wedding Fears

Writing down fears and concerns can bring them into better perspective. If your fiancé is worried about losing time with his buddies, suggest he have a “guys night” once a week or every other week. Encourage him to be open and honest about his fears, so you can work through them together.

  • Take a Break from Wedding Planning

Take some time away from the frenzy of wedding planning and just do something for the two of you, even if it is something simple like taking in a movie, going out for ice cream, or taking a stroll through the park. Set aside at least one afternoon or evening a week when you do not discuss the wedding at all, but concentrate on other things.

  • Focus on the Good Things in Your Relationship

Spend time talking and writing down all of the good things about your relationship and share your favorite and happiest moments with one another. Bring out some photos of the two of you on vacation, during the holidays, and so on, and talk and laugh about the good times. Spend time with couples who are happily married and ask them what their secret is.

  • Consider Premarital Counseling

Consider going for premarital counseling or encourage your fiancé to go to individual counseling. Talking with a family member, close friend, or a religious leader can also be helpful.

  • Rekindle the Romance in Your Relationship

Rekindle the love and romance in your relationship any way you know how. Plan a surprise date or a weekend getaway to spend quality time together.

  • Postpone the Wedding if Necessary

If serious doubts persist, consider postponing the wedding until your fiancé can be more certain about what he wants and how he feels. It is better to take the time to work through your concerns and make sure you are both fully committed to the marriage before tying the knot.


Wedding cold feet is a common experience, but it doesn’t have to ruin your relationship. Instead of trying to get rid of your worries and insecurities as quickly as possible, see it as an opportunity to explore your feelings about yourself, your fiancé, and your upcoming life change before it actually takes place. By using these coping strategies, you can work through your cold feet and come out stronger as a couple.

Author Dr. Serenity

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